Invalidating my feelings
"That was a rude thing to say" "I don't consider that ok behaviour in a relationship". You make it sound like there's a space to fight about OP's feelings. OP feels something, their BF dismisses it, time to dump him. "Yeah, sorry, boss, I didn't get that work done on time and let down the team but you know, I can't impact your happiness, so..."Sounds ridiculous, right? Self-help books like that are just some person’s opinion, and I’m sure it works for some people, but certainly not everyone.No point in bending yourself over to style the sentences in a way the boyfriend can't negate them and shift the blame on OP. The point isn't to "win" the fight, the point is to have a partner you don't have to have fights about feelings with in the first place. Dunk his phone in the toilet and if he complains tell him, "it's not my fault and you shouldn't chose to be upset because what I did should have no impact on your feelings."Sorry, I have no suggestions. He says that you have control over how you feel, but what he’s really saying is that he wants control over how you feel.
While we all make choices..choices are influenced by our environment and the people around us.However, when I did something that upset them, I was made to feel like a horrible person.You need to have a serious discussion with him and tell him how you feel.And decide if you want to continue dating someone who makes you feel this way and chooses not to care.Someone who does not apologize for hurting your feelings is not someone worth dating, not someone worth spending your love on, and not someone capable of treating you with the love or respect you deserve.