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I remember just how much I wanted to be full-time as well, but I couldn’t express my feelings, since I didn’t know how.
I was scared about how people would react when they knew.
And thought I would be an ugly female that couldn’t pass.
I was terrified that people would look at me weird and see me as a guy dressing as a woman.
She knew something was up by how I was acting the past few days, so we started to have a conversation and the first thing she, and everyone who later found out, thought was I was gay.
I said, “No, it’s a lot more complex than that.” Then she guessed transgender.
People would say I was a handsome young man, but I hated when they said that because, I was not a man, and I didn’t see myself as handsome.
Whenever I would take a photo of myself or look in the mirror, I would become so depressed and cry.
I just didn’t want to live because there was no life worth living if I couldn’t love myself.
I would hope and wish each day that I could wake up in the morning as a female, with the right body.
I hated how I looked, my body, and of course the male parts I had. When I turned 18, the feeling of wanting to be a female seemed to almost diminish.